The Ballot

Please use a black or blue medium ballpoint pen only. If one is not available please come back in 4 years and try to be more prepared. Please notice the box to the left of your choice, do not fill in that box. Please count 2 boxes down and 4 boxes across, do not fill that box in either. Instead, look for the box that is marked A,B,C or K and place a check mark under all of the above. Make no stray marks on the ballot or else your vote will be applied to the opposing party. Do not use inks that soak through the paper or that may be mistaken for a white powdery substance. To vote for a write-in candidate, completely fill in the box provided to the left of the words "Write-in" and write in the name of the candidate on the line provided or refer to your common sense. If no line has been provided please start over, you are using the wrong ballot. To cast a straight-party vote, your favorite movie cannot have starred Doris Day or Liza Minelli. Selecting a party automatically selects all candidates associated with that party including but not limited to known or unknown felons, terrorists or close talkers. If you select a candidate associated with a party other than the straight-party selection, your vote for that candidate will be counted in that particular contest, but in no particular order, and will be applied to the candidate that is most likely to be affiliated with the mob. You must be at least 18 to vote. Exceptions can be made if your birthday falls between August 12 and October 23 and you have never been to or no anybody from the states of Montana, Nebraska or New Mexico. Pursuant to Code 66,567,980 Section 23-15-367 (Set Game & Match) the order of candidates for each office was predetermined by a wet T-shirt contest. The orders are interchangeable and in no way reflect the opinions of this blogger dude.